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way in time: a haiga

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Published:
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Description

3.2.12

a haiga collaboration with ~RiverOwl. her original can be found here: [link] .

an entry for :iconlit-visual-alliance:'s contest.


the poem is a haibun:

past, present, future: simply states of
temporal matter. there is no creation or
destruction of, no absolute gain or loss; there
is only infinite existence perceived by a mind
convinced it is infinite.

though circuitous,
i will find my way in time;
my blind eyes will see.
Image size
670x1000px 161.09 KB
Make
NIKON CORPORATION
Model
NIKON D80
Shutter Speed
124/1 second
Aperture
F/10.0
Focal Length
18 mm
ISO Speed
100
Date Taken
Nov 30, 2008, 12:13:50 AM
© 2012 - 2024 haijinik
Comments12
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MadelineBelleVe's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

After reviewing your haibun several times I think the first stanza was well organized and stated with an original simplicity yet also a complex theme(which is good). I understand in your second stanza you're trying to make this piece more personal while leaving the reader with an impact, but compared to the first it seems out of place because in the last line you refer to "blind eyes" without introducing the character, "my." The two stanzas just seem unrelated. You also don't, at least briefly, explain why the character is "blind." Trust me I know it's complicated to include it all when you can only enter so much into a formatted style. Maybe you're trying to make a connection that isn't in reach with the info the reader has been given. That last line just threw me off. Other than that its relates perfectly.
-M a d e l i n e B. V.